Why I Do It

There are 6 days left to prove what's possible in the Delta!  This summer has been a new and challenging adventure, but I know that I am going to come out as a better teacher and a better person.

I was looking for some inspiration, and someone very special to me reminded me of a writing piece that hangs by my door.  I wrote this piece at the end of my first year of teaching and I strategically placed it by my door, so I would read it before I went to school every day.  It reminds of me of why I'm here, why I love my job, and why all of the frustration is worth it.  I know each of you has and will have your own reasons for doing this crazy job, but here are mine.  I hope they resonate with you and remind you of the reasons you call yourself a teacher.  

Why I Do It

Life is about more than boosting your resume.  Trust me.  I would not be here teaching in the middle of nowhere if all I wanted was a resume boost.  There has to be something in life that makes it worth getting up each morning.  For me, it's my kids.  Knowing that I can give them the only hug they might get all day or be there to say the first encouraging words they have heard in weeks. 

I get to see the simplest moments translate into the most significant triumphs.  I'm also there for the disappointments and the heart breaks (and trust me I have too many stories to tell in this department).  But at the end of the day, no matter how mad I get or how much I might yell (which i do -- way too often), I can truly believe that my kids know that at least one person loves them (me).  It might sound really cheesy, but it's seriously the only thing that has kept me going through the hardest year of my life. 

These kids who have nothing still have some of the most amazing spirits I have ever seen.  Some of the people I admire most in this world happen to be SEVEN YEARS OLD. 

I know I'm not perfect and there are hundreds of things that I want to change for next year, but this year has been the best and the worst of my life and I will remember it always.  These kids have a piece of my heart forever!

As we push ourselves through the sleepless nights and unappreciative students, we need to remember why we are here. For those of you who are Teach for America, I encourage you to revisit your letter of intent.  Remind yourself why you are here and gear up for the next 6 days!  This job is worth all of the sacrifices, because these kids are worth it.  Just remember that. 

Failure is not an option.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  

This is what I needed to tell myself several times as I realized 9 out of my 20 students did not bring their homework this morning.  I was initially annoyed because they know the classroom rules about homework and aren't demonstrating responsibility, but I fell into a deeper frustration as my mind began to wander.  Why aren't they turning in homework?  

• Did I not invest them in the purpose of homework?  
• Am I not holding them accountable enough?  
• Was the homework too much or too difficult?  

Ultimately, I decide that while I am responsible for MOST of the things that happen in my classroom, homework and the work done AT HOME is out of my locus of control most days.  I can write my weekly newsletter, I can call parents, I can communicate with students and invest them in the classroom goals and how homework is going to help us get there.  I can do all of those things and some of my students will still NOT DO HOMEWORK.  Aside from being annoying that my students are wasting the paper and ink it took to print 22 copies of each worksheet (which always irks me), I was deeply disappointed in the lack of effort shown by my students and their parents over the weekend.

I feel like I have been in an epic battle to get my 21 students to 3rd grade, and I am more than willing to fight the fight or else I wouldn't be here.  I wouldn't work day and night to maximize my effectiveness and rehearse teaching lessons in my sleep if I wasn't committed to this job and our kids. However, today, with those 9 students, I felt like I was in a fight without anyone else to fight with me.  I cannot do this alone. As teachers, we have power and authority within the walls of our classroom.  We are the leaders and instruction rests on our shoulders.  I truly believe this.  However, in the summer things are different.  The 4 hours a day I actually get to instruct my students IS NOT ENOUGH to get them where they need to be.  The 4 hours a day IS NOT ENOUGH to break all of the bad habits they acquired last year.  There is NOT ENOUGH time for me to do it alone.   

This is why I need the help of the parents.  I need students and parents to be working hard after school to fill in the gaps that I am missing.  I need parents to understand that this is a team effort and I cannot get their child to 3rd grade by myself.  I also need my students to understand that no one is going to hold their hand and make this happen for them magically.  This is real and I feel like some of my kids are not taking it seriously.  It saddens me that the potential of failing a grade does not terrify my students into taking this summer seriously.  Failure is not an option, but for so many of our students, failure has been accepted.  I am not accepting it.  


I let all of this frustration and turmoil kill my spirit today.  I let it take my joy and my smile.  After lunch I was able to look at Deedra and look at Trevon and remember why I am up at 4:00 every morning.  I thought about those 11 kids who came to school with their homework and spent the weekend reading and getting ready to pass their unit test.  I remembered that my job is to serve all of our students and when I lose my spirit, I fail.  I can't fail our kids again.  Failure is not an option.  I am not accepting it.  


So I challenge all of you, as I challenge myself to do tomorrow...find the joy in your classroom.  It might be one student, it might be one moment, it might be a hug or a kind word exchanged between children.  Find your joy. Write it down.  Tell a friend.  Put it somewhere in your classroom or bedroom to remind yourself why we are here.  We are here for Deedra, Trevon, and Zedrian.  We are here for LeDarrion (aka Big Pimp Daddy), Kwendolyn and Shakaunye.  We are here for the students of the Delta and failure is not an option.  Challenge yourself to find the joy tomorrow and keep it with you for the next 8 days.


Failure is not an option. 

9 Days!

This weekend was great, wonderful and relaxing.  I am so blessed to have family, friends and a boyfriend who love me and restore my sanity.  I would not be able to do this job without each and every one of you.  Thank you all. 

With that said...it's time to bring my mind back from the relaxation and into focus.  I have 9 days!   9 days!  I really don't know where the summer has gone, and I am feeling really overwhelmed that in 9 days I will need to make the decision if my 21 students are ready for 3rd grade.  I do not believe that any of them deserve to be retained.  Our job as educators is to provide quality education for our children year after year...because they deserve the best.  There was never a year where I feared not passing...but that is a reality for too many of our students in the Delta.  We know the statistics about students who retain and how it is correlated to future graduation and incarceration rates.  We know that students who fail one grade are significantly more likely to fail again.  I feel the pressure of these statistics on my back, and I can't help but feel tremendously guilty that we as adults have failed these kids.  

There are 21 students in my classroom this summer and more students throughout the school and the Delta who have not received the help at school or at home that they deserve.  It is not the child's fault.  We have failed them, and that makes me feel sick some days.  As a teacher who has had to swallow retaining 7 students throughout my 3 years, I know my place in these statistics.  I feel the guilt of not having pushed those 7 students harder during my 180 days with them.  I feel the anger of being trapped in a system that was not effectively run for so long.  I feel the bitterness toward parents who I judged for not "doing enough" for their kids.  I feel it all.  But most of all, I feel saddened.  I feel sad that so many students in the Delta and across the country are not receiving the education I was so lucky to have.  I feel sad that most of my students will be limited to the experiences within a 30 miles radius of Marks, Mississippi.  I feel sad that I am not able to help them all.  

So where do we go from sad?  How do we get out from the guilt and the sadness that can overshadow the rest of the reality in the Delta?  We need to remember the other side of the coin.  My students are capable.  They are eager, and they are ready for me to give them everything I can.  My students are loving and willing to be loved.  They are passionate when I am passionate.  They are ready for the challenges I set before them if I am ready to lead them there.  Am I ready to be the leader of my classroom for the next 9 days to push these children as far as possible?  Am I passionate about giving them everything I have so that the system does not fail them once again?  Am I focused on the goal so I can keep my students focused on the goal?  If the answer is "yes" to those 3 questions, then we are ready to prove what's possible in the next 9 days!

I need to remember why I'm here:  For the students.  With that in mind, here are my next steps for the week in order to maximize student learning and my own effectiveness:
1.)  Revise schedule to add more Read Well time with a focus on fluency because that's what my students really struggle with.
2.)  Give Mrs. Pryor and Mrs. Wilborn more fluency passages and focus on graphing so students can see their own progress.
3.)  Continue to communicate and invest students in Read Well and math goals because when they understand and embrace the goals, they are more accountable for reaching it.  
4.)  Improve centers to be pushing them with Fry's phrases and sentences writing.  Also, revamp Math centers to work on place value skills and triple digit addition and subtraction with regrouping.  Focus on partner share and check.  
5.)  Remain diligent about homework.  Send home additional reading passages for those students who didn't pass on Friday and word lists to practice.  
6.)  Create flashcards with commonly missed words from the unit 11 and unit 12 tests to review as we walk in the line or wait for lunch/bathroom.  Let's maximize that learning time!
6.)  Instill a sense of possibility in my kids that we can not only reach our class goals but exceed them!  When I believe this, they will believe it!

The next 9 days are going to be busy and hectic, but I know we can achieve our goals.  Those 21 students passing to third grade (and the idea of the beach at the end of July...haha) are my motivation and I won't stop until we get there!  :)